I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
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i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
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It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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