I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
