Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
