Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
