he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
