I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
