Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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