I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
