i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
