Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
