he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
