she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
