A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
