It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
