So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you didnt know i had herpes?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
