don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The power of my boobs compel you
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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