Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
