Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
