Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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