Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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