I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
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i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
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he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
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