I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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