"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I wish life had little blips of pornography
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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