why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's blow job season.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize