So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
