as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
