I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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