i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
