I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize