Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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