Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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