it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
