My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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