vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
