Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
