I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Are we still banned from the library?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
