i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
