Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
