At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
