The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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