WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
