they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
4 words: hood of his car
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
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