i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
