I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
