i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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