Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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