I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think people are normalizing furries
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
