Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
