Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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