i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
