There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
