I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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