Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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