Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Boobs speak an international language.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
