woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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