i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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