so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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