I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
