Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
