I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
