Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
