Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
