if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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