if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
