I can't watch pbs sober anymore
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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