Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I am one with the molecules
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
