I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
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that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
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It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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