The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
