What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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