I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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