I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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