can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
