you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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