you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
