need another drink. this is the easiest way
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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