My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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