He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
