Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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