Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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