just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
