You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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